What the Hell Are You Two Doing?
by DragoncatKHfan
Summary: After a long hard day of work, Grell decides that there's no better way to relax then to get into Sebastian's pants, or at the very least get a rise out of him trying. However, he walks in on something...unexpected. Crack fic, Contains mild CielxSebastian


Warning: Contains mild Ciel/Sebastian

* * *

"Ugh, where is he," Grell moaned, wandering around Phantomhive Manor looking for Sebastian. His day had been a long and grueling one, stupid flu season, and after he had clocked out he decided that there was no better way to relax then to get into Sebastian's pants, or at the very least get a rise out of him trying. So he snuck in through a window and began to search for his potential amour.

When he passed by the door to Cecil's office, he heard shuffling.  
'Except for Cecil and Sebas-chan, all the rest of the house's occupants are downstairs which means…' Grell's heart leapt and a Cheshire cat smiled formed upon his face.  
"Sebas-chan, your Juliet has arrived," Grell trilled, throwing open the door to Cecil's office, in his patented, flamboyant fashion. Almost immediately his eyes widened, his arms went limp; causing him to hunch slightly and his jaw dropped.

The office was in complete disarray with clothing strewn about the room. In front of the desk, papers were scattered about, as if someone had taken their arm and swiped it across the desk; not caring about the various documents, only wanting to clear the desk as fast as possible. Considering what was upon the desk at this instant, that was very likely the case.

On the surface of the desk was Ceil, lying on his back, upper body completely devoid of clothing. Hovering over him, also topless, trying to undo the buttons of Ciel's pants (for that matter Ciel was trying to do the same only with the other's pants) was Sebastian. Upon Grell's entrance, both of them froze and gazed at Grell like deer blinded by headlights. The awkwardness of the situation could have been cut with a knife. Grell was the first one to come to his sense.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?"

Ciel's eyes narrowed. "What does it look like, you dolt?"

Grell crossed his right arm, put his left index finger under his lower lip and looked up in thought.  
"Well it looks like you're about to have…"

"That was rhetorical." Ciel deadpanned, cutting Grell off.

Grell clenched his fist in front of his body, his eyes filled with determination to not let this happen.  
"But you're a child," Grell stuttered slightly, much to his chagrin.

"I may be young, but I'm no more a child than you are a human," Ciel hissed. "Also, there's currently no law forbidding me from having sex with someone much older than I."

"But, Sebastian, age gap."

"I am thousands of years old, even if Ciel were near the end of the average human life span there would still be an age gap the size of China," Sebastain answered, his voice smooth as velvet like always. "Besides, I'm under contract." He grinned slyly.

"What about Elizabeth?" Grell whined, grasping at straws.

Ciel looked down at the desk, a slight look of guilt upon his face.  
"She's a mute point considering I will have most likely fulfilled my end of the contract before I become of age to marry her."

"Your servants?"

"Have been taking bets for a while now," Sebastian replied, nonchalantly.

Grell's body collapsed in exasperation. He closed his eyes and touched the bridge of his nose with his index and middle finger.  
"This is just wrong."

Sebastian grinned. "Really." He said cheekily.

Grell put his hand down and raised his eyebrows in response to the comment.

"Your nose is bleeding and you have a tent," Ciel said, tilting his head away from Grell, a slight blush coming to his cheeks.

Grell touched two fingers above his upper lip. When he pulled them away and looked at them they were dyed red. He then looked down to find that Ciel had been right.  
"But, why?" When he looked up again it hit him.

Two taboo lovers about to passionately go at it in the most sudden of places. Ruby red eyes filled with the flames of passion, gazing longingly into a sapphire and an amethyst, icy determination lingering below the surface of both. Their bodies dripping with sweat that glistened in the moonlight, accenting the seme's toned and muscular body and the uke's smooth pale skin. A love-hate relationship about to come to its peak. It was like something out of a romance novel.

Grell's nose began to bleed a little bit more.  
"Can we have a threesome?"

"No," Ciel and Sebastian replied in unison.

"Can I watch?"

"Will you get out of here!" Ciel shouted.

Grell groaned, "Fine, fine, have fun you two." Grell said, flicking his hand in the couple's direction, his head tilted, eyes closed, his voice laced with apathy. He then exited the room, slamming the door behind him.

Sebastian moved to get off Ciel.  
"Where do you think you're going?"

Sebastian raised his eyebrows in confusion. "But, the interruption?"

Ciel's eye narrowed, the determination almost sub-zero, "Sebastian, I order you to fuck me; right here, right now."

Sebastian grinned and got back into position, laying a gentle kiss on Ciel's lips.

"Yes, my lord."

* * *

I am currently obsessed with Kuroshitsuji and this came about when I saw Grell, and how he blatant hit on Sebastian, and wondered what would happen if he walked on on Ciel and Sebastian, who just scream pairing in my opinion, about to do it.

Note: From what I skimmed (please note the word skimmed I am not an expert) age of consent laws, child prostitution to be more precise, were a hot topic (though not in everyday conversation) in Victorian England. Two bills were passed, The Offences against the Person Act of 1875, which raised the age of consent to 13, and the Criminal Law Amendment Act of 1885, which raised the age of consent to 16, to try and lower the amount of child prostitution in England. As far as I can tell though, both bills (or whatever they're called in England, forgive me for being an ignorant American) only applied to girls or rather only mentioned girls. Therefore as far as I know, someone please correct me if I'm wrong, Ciel is legal.  
Even it he's not, this is a crack fic and Kuroshitsuji just screams shotacon (those of you who find that offensive, why the heck did you read this fic).

Reviews are my fuel and I love them,  
No flames please, unless you're super mature about it and it's a legitimate complaint (not something like Ciel belongs with Elizabeth and pairing him with Sebastian is stupid...seriously if you think that, why the heck did you read this fic.)


End file.
